vanished – 5 updates

10 Jul

Blogging is harder than it looks! Well, maybe hard isn’t the right word. But it is definitely time-consuming and it takes lots of effort and consistency. Clearly, we have not done a good job of it. Nevertheless, after several requests to start blogging again – here’s another attempt.

We’ll start out by playing a bit of catch-up. There have been BIG changes in the past few months.

Let’s take a look, shall we?

1. We bought a house!
Signing 2

House

2. Em is Pregnant!

pregnant
We found out we were expecting a baby after Christmas in December of 2013. The scheduled arrival date is September 6.

3. We almost have a teenager.

Tay
Our big girl has one more year before she heads into to big time stuff. High School!

4. She’s going to be the big sister to a bouncing baby BOY!

Boy
Our “Lil Fella” has not been shy about showing us his guy parts. I wanted a boy, Em wanted a girl. I won! Seriously though, we both won. We can’t wait to meet him.

5. We’ve lured our first family member to permanently relocating to our city.

grandad

It’s a little blurry, but Em’s father got wind that he was going to be a grandfather. He decided 3 days later that a move was in order! And then, he posted this pic of the onesie went sent him on his Facebook page. Someone is EXCITED. He’ll be here next week.

As sporadic as we may be, thanks for hanging in there with us. More blogging to come!

-Jae and Em

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Aside

No place like home

6 Jun

It has been over a year since our last post. The wedding, the absolute best day of our lives, has come and gone and we’re settling nicely into married life. The last year has been full and on the horizons a lot good ‘nexts’…

We’re anxious to come back to our glittery readers and reconnect. We’ve missed you – immensely.

-Jae & Em –

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Say Yes to Dress Two

6 Feb

Well, after lots of anxiety and procrastination I FINALLY got a dress! Funny thing is, the first dress I ordered was online. The Limited was having a sale and I thought “why not?” Well, the dress looked just like the picture, BUT it didn’t look like the picture on me. Bombed? Absolutely. Even still, I’d gotten such a great deal on this dress that I was determined to make it work.

Last week I attended a bridal show with a couple of friends. One of the owners of a bridal shop asked if I had my dress yet. I said to her “yeaaaah….but I’m not sure if it’s going to work yet.” When she found out my wedding date which is only 3 months away she said, “You better hurry! It takes that long for a dress to come back.” Two words came to mind at that moment, “Oh. Shit.” I made an appointment right then.

After the bridal show I went over to my friend’s house just to be sure I couldn’t stick with the super sale dress I found. I’d never tried on any other dresses and tried that one on alone so I wanted to get another opinion. She was like, “I mean….its fine, but you’re not in love with it.” She started to dig a little deeper and before I knew it I was tearing up. I’d had anxiety this whole time about wedding dress shopping and downplaying that experience as though I wasn’t really concerned or it didn’t matter to me. We came up with a few theories as to why I might have felt that way, but it wasn’t conclusive. Perhaps it was the many dress shopping escapades I’d been a part of. Some of them with brides-who-want-to-be. No formal proposals. Somehow I felt that the dress wasn’t the important part and I didn’t need to put that much into it.

A few days later, I went the bridal shop with some of my bridesmaids. After trying on a few, I knew what it felt like to find ‘THE dress’.  This time, the tears were happy tears. I felt like a bride. In the end I couldn’t believe that I was going to deny myself the joy of finding the perfect dress. I can’t wait to wear it. I hope Em loves it as much as I do.

The excitement is building and I’m so giddy about it!

This message has been brought to you by an ecstatic bride-to-be! The future…Mrs. Red (Ha! I like it!)

-Jae.

UPDATE: Just as I finished this post I got call from the dress shop. The dress I wanted won’t be in on time in my size. I have two options. 1) She can get the dress ordered in a larger size which requires me to have it altered down. 2) There are a couple of new dresses in the store that I didn’t see. I could try one of those and see if I feel the ‘wow’.

For some reason I’m a little nervous about getting it altered down. Afraid it still won’t fit right. Perhaps it’s just unnecessary jitters. Either way, I’ll let you know what happens. Whomp, whoomp, whoooommp.

Five

31 Jan

five years ago today – I was on the phone with Liberation Theory talking to her about a ‘friend’ that had turned into a ‘dating’ situation. i was almost a year into dating this girl and the reality was I had slipped and fallen in love – BUT i had also recently moved to a new state and wasn’t sure if being IN love with someone now far away was a good idea. i had to the opportunity to start fresh in a new city. meet new people. explore. be foot loose and fancy free. unattached. (don’t act like you don’t know what I mean).

but, we’re not even together, Lib – we are just dating’ and her response was ‘so, ask her to be with you. you already know she’s the one’ (or something extra prolific like that) in hindsight it was not good timing for either of us to be talking about being a relationship. both of us had a lot going on in our separate lives, and the last thing we needed to add to the pile was a relationship. but under my friend’s urging, i did it. i called her up and interrupted her wednesday night out. she was hanging out at her friend’s house and we usually didn’t interrupt the other when we were ‘out’. but since I was calling, she answered. i had only one question ‘will you be my girlfriend?’ and she responded with a quick ‘yes’. ‘ok, that’s all that I wanted, get back to your friends and we will talk later’. and as we hung up the phone i had a huge smile on my face and a lump in my belly.

i yahooed Lib right after, ‘well, I did it’.

and IT was the best thing I ever did. now five years later, as it turns out she was the one. not to say that we haven’t had our crazy moments when we both temporarily forgot that life is much better with the other in it. that is the only realization needed for a good relationship. once we figured that out it has been smooth sailing. Jae is my air. she makes it ALLright. she’s the love of my life and the best thing that ever happened for me.

20120131-130949.jpgas I floated down the stairs this morning and off to a meeting, i noticed the pretty little green plant that sits on a end table in our living room. it’s actually the same plant I gave Jae, when we were still newly friends. she had a rough day and i wanted to do something to cheer her up. i remember that she mentioned that flowers were not her thing – but she loved plants. golden pathos to be exact. so I picked one up and drove it over to her house hoping it would put a smile on her face. i guess I should have known then…that she should would this special to me. her bad days still incite me to react to do something, anything to make them better.

i think it’s wonderful that she still has the plant and yes, it’s still growing.

Happy Anniversary, Jae.

Em.

iTruth

26 Jan

right now i feel  the way it feels when you pick up the phone to call an old friend that you haven’t spoke to in a long while. you know that feeling when you have so much to say, but don’t know where to begin? that’s exactly accurate, it’s been months since my last post and obviously a lot has happened –  but i’m not even sure  if anything was important enough to be recapped. we’ve been hella busy working, i can tell you that – between running the agency, planning the wedding and still trying to have a life  there’s not time for much else. in fact 2 of my bridesmaids told me last week that they didn’t think i was taking my own wedding very seriously. really?

i can see how they can say that but its still unsettling to hear. so about a month ago i did what any stressed out bride does – hired a wedding planner! yes, WE actually hired someone else to help us with the planning. which might sound a bit strange considering we own an events company, but i really don’t have the time to run back and forth to Mexico to work out the wedding details. So new to teamRed is Gabby and the crew from Mar Weddings – she’s my feet on the street in Puerto Vallarta. all I’ve had to do is send her all my ideas and specifics on how I want things – she’s getting it done! she’s the new love in my life. in fact just today, i sent her a long list of my ‘to-dos’ once i’m in Mexico for the wedding. she responded that she would be taking care of basically everything on MY list because it’s my day to be the bride and for once not a planner. wow! (i may actually marry her instead 🙂

i guess i can be candid here – part of the reason i may seem nonchalant about the wedding is not because i’m not excited or don’t care about it – but because there’s not a lot of people around to talk about it with. ok, let’s talk ‘tradition’ for the moment. a lot of the couples that we work with when planning weddings have what you call a ‘traditional’ planning experience. there’s an overly excited mother of the bride, a father of the bride who is paying for it all and just wants ‘his little girl’ to be happy, a best friend who is running around with the bride tasting cakes, interviewing bands and throwing wedding showers sprinkled with a bachelorette party or two. this is the very opposite of our experience and situation. my mom is not ‘mother of the brideish’ at all – she’s coming, she’s happy…and that’s about it. my bffs don’t live in my city and there’s only so much they can do to feel ‘included’ from afar. i found my wedding dress online and tried it on alone in my bedroom. (everyone did send me praises about the dress from the picture messages i forwarded) and another departure from ‘normal’ is we’re footing the bill for the entire wedding ourselves. this is not a vent, its just the truth. i wonder if this truth has slightly altered my ability to have a ‘normal’ bridal experience and therefore act like a ‘normal’ bride? i sure as hell hope not because i will admit that i want all the pomp and circumstance that comes getting ready for the big day. or is it just the sign of the times? with so much technology, the ability to shop online and modern couples paying for their own weddings – maybe this IS the new ‘normal’. or at least our normal.

either way, in just a few days over 90, i will be marrying the love of my life and that i really am excited about.

oh yeah I finally got rid of my Blackberry and got an iPhone4s. figured you’d want to know that too.

-Em.

and…we’re back

24 Jan

we figured after such a ridiculously long hiatus from posting, we had better come back – correct! hopefully, these will get us back in good graces. plus, we promise that tomorrow we’ll end the our little blog sabbatical with  major updates.

so – here’s our engagement pictures (yes, we finally took them in November). it felt like the sun came out just for us that day, after a long rainy week. we met our power photogs, Amber and Jeremy of Life as Art Photography for a photo session at the Warwick Melrose Hotel (where I proposed the year before). After we got over the initial paparazzi shyness – it turned out not to be that hard to let the camera capture us, just being us.

Life as Art Photography, jmredLife as Art Photography, jmred
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Life as Art Photography, jmred
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Life as Art Photography, jmred
Life as Art Photography, jmredLife as Art Photography, jmredLife as Art Photography, jmred

by the way, we missed you. happy new year 😉

-Em.

If this isn’t love…

6 Sep

I hope everyone had a fabulous Labor Day weekend! Ours was really busy. Em had friends visiting and we went out Saturday AND Sunday night. I am over 30 now and by Sunday night I had a realization. I refused to have a drink. My body just couldn’t take it, so big shouts out to everyone who kept the party going!

It was nice to be off yesterday and just relax. Em and I stayed in bed ALL day. During our movie day marathon we ran across one called ‘Edie and Thea – A Very Long Engagement’. We are a few years late on this so many of you have probably already seen it. This touching and inspiring story was about a lesbian couple who had been together for 42 years. They had so many pictures from the time they met all the way up into their old age and it really helped to draw us in. The way they took care of each other and stayed in love throughout the years inspired me so much.

I don’t want to give spoilers, so I won’t say too much. I will say that everyone should watch this movie. If you have any doubts about the substance of same-sex relationships and any heart at all, there is no way to continue refuting that love is just simply that….love.

The movie is actually on the Netflix instant stream right now and I’ve noticed that you can watch it in its entirety in several places online. I’d love to know what you think about it.

-Jae.

P.S – AFTER you watch the movie, take a look at the link below.

http://www.aclu.org/lgbt-rights/edie-windsor-and-aclu-challenge-defense-marriage-act

mrs. red

8 Aug

we are almost to the task on the wedding checklist that I’m most excited about. the one where we apply for Jae’s legal last name change. she’s changing her last name to match mine. i’m totally thrilled about that. this is our second most frequently asked question – Is either of you changing your last name? yep.

there are many ways we can choose to express our new family name after marriage –

hyphenation: we can combine our two current last names and make a new one. this way both of our families are represented in the new name.

keep: we could keep our current last names. very simple.

new: we can create a new name all together. this might be kind of fun. i always wanted a fancy french last name.

change: change one of our last names to match the other. obviously this is the one we choose.

i guess i should explain why we choose option 4: change.  simple answer, my last name means a lot to me, because my dad gave it to me. and my dad is very cool. it feels like an integral part of my identity. honestly, no matter who i married i would have had a hard time parting with my last name. it just so happens that Jae does not share this attachment to hers. so i get the privilege to give her my last name as she literally enters my family. i really love that. 

unfortunately, because gay marriage is still an issue in our home state. name changes aren’t automatic with marriage. meaning we can’t just present our marriage license and her name change is granted. here we have to petition for a name change and then explain why in front of a judge, before an approval is granted. we hear this process takes about six months. so in order to be prepared will be apply 6 months BEFORE our wedding so, when the wedding rolls around, she’ll be able to use her brand-spanking-new last name immediately.

not to speak for Jae (well i speak for her, since i’m writing the post) but, i know she does have a bit of apprehension with the change. currently, she and her daughter share the same last name. so obviously it’s bittersweet to no longer share a last name with your child.  but we’ve prepped her about what’s going to happen. it doesn’t mean she’s any less apart of this family and we also explained that one day when she gets married, she might want to take her mate’s last name too.

and while i’m at it, let me touch on this quickly. there is some kind of weird trend amongst lesbian couples (i don’t have any statistics on this, so let me just put in a disclaimer) rephrase: in my experience, there seems to be some weird trend, especially amongst lesbian couples,  where they call each other ‘wife’, ‘wifey’, or Mrs. [insert the last name of their girlfriend]. i find this ridiculous. and i’ll tell you why. usually these couple aren’t engaged, aren’t getting married and sometimes are in the first few months of their relationship. i don’t get it? why pretend to be married to your partner, or pretend to have their last name? are you playing a game?

Jae has an explanation- she says  since gay marriage isn’t legal in most places, gay couples may find that using the last name of their partner is a quick and dirty way to show a strong commitment. good answer. but i disagree – while gay marriage may not be legal everywhere, having your last name changed legally, is. so why not go fill out the paperwork and do it the right way, otherwise to me it seems like you’re pretending (or playing house as my grandmother would say). it makes it harder on couples like us, who are fighting for equal marriage rights , working hard for them, and paying handsomely to secure even a sliver of these rights in our real marriages. no fair to throw around the term ‘wife’ arbitrarily or call yourself The Whatchamacallit’s on Christmas cards or as your Facebook name, when you ain’t. get real.

9 month count down until there’s a Mrs. Red.

that’s SO good.

-Em.

Mrs. Red to be

defensive

19 Jul

this marriage inequality thing is really starting to piss me off. i admit that in the past i wasn’t really that interested in fighting for the marriage rights for gay and lesbian couples. partially because i was like 12 and uninterested in marriage, period. but now that my own nuptials are coming up really soon, it’s making me really angry. to think that in my home state (where i pay a whole buncha taxes) even after Jae and i officially tie the knot next year, the knot won’t be that tight. first we have to go and spend like a zillion dollars with a lawyer to try to secure not even half of the rights that our heterosexual (could have met in Vegas, got drunk and decided to get married right quick) counterparts get immediately after saying i-dos.

i’m damned annoyed. how am i suppose to support my family when i have to sweat the small stuff.  like what if Jae gets sick, i may not be afforded the rights to be with her in the hospital right before a major surgery.

sn: does anyone have any idea how big of a fool i would act in that hospital if they said i couldn’t be with her?  i’m sure the police will be involved because i will NOT be civil if that situation ever presented itself.

the other day we were talking about having another child. and i had this crazy idea that maybe midway through the pregnancy we should take to a temporary sabbatical to a more progressive state in order to give birth and then go back home. that way our child could get a proper second parent adoption with two legal parents, without all the rigamaro. and then it hit me, am i seriously considering having my kid in another state just to secure ‘citizenship’? wow.

i thought these states were suppose to be united?

Defense of Marriage….what exactly is being defended? i’ll tell you what i defend. i defend my right to marry who i please. i defend my right to love, to pay taxes once not twice,  to take care of my family and be recognized as doing so, to be with Jae in the hospital or her with me, to adopt my own kid, to know if anything happens to me, Jae gets all our stuff automatically. i defend my right to be tied legally to the same person of my choice for the rest of my life. marriage is for EVERYone who wants to be. i defend my right marry.

by the way we are seriously working on moving to the DC area.

oh you want to know what you can do? well we support:

go ahead pick one or two and give your support. send’m a check. wear a white ribbon. vote yes for marriage equality. like their facebook pages so you can keep up with what’s going on. get pissed like me and do something! apparently the free-dom to marry aren’t going to come for free like they are suppose too. yeah, i guess that would be too much like right.

they, we, I need your support.

please and thank you.

-Em.

our family

29 Jun

Today, we are featured on Elixher: Our Family series. Check it out!

It’s really good stuff.

-Jae & Em.